Dear Jackrabbit,
As we sat together the other day and watched Star Wars: The Force Awakens (me for the umpteenth time, you for the first) it struck me how glad I am that this is your Star Wars and that you weren’t born during the prequel trilogy years. It would have been a shame had that been your Star Wars.
Thinking on that made me consider that it’s about time we had “the talk”. You know… the nerd talk. It’s important to know where you stand on a number of nerd issues. Remember, you’re the son of nerd parents. We go to science fiction and comic book conventions. We read science fiction and comics. We watch nerdy television. Go to nerdy movies. Tell nerdy jokes.
It’s part of the deoxyribonucleic acid encoded in your genes. Deal with it.
So strap in. Here’s the nerd run-down you’re going to need to know.
Star Wars
Mine was the original trilogy–the standard to which all others are compared. It’s going to seem very ancient to you, but once upon a time it was cutting edge movie making. It had a few little flaws one could quibble with, but for the most part it’s likely the apex of modern popular culture. Yes, the Ewoks kinda sucked, and the whole Slave Leia costume is incredibly dated and not something you’d see today, but the rest of it was pretty good. Classic storytelling.
The prequel series sucked from beginning to end. Sure, there were a few good bits of special effects, but the story and characters were awful. When they weren’t using thinly disguised racist stereotypes, they were overdoing a mopey teen to the point where no one cared if he lived or died or became Darth Vader. Plus, the prequel revealed that the Jedi were total dicks and probably deserved to be wiped out. (And what the hell was up with the word “younglings”?)
Thankfully, the new movies have started to appear and have begun to redeem the franchise. While there may be minor flaws here and there, The Force Awakens successfully brings back the magic, the storytelling, and the character development of the original trilogy. I’m excited to be a part of this era with you, Jack. When we first learned that Disney had taken over the franchise, there was some small concern. Then we remembered that Disney had also taken over Marvel and have done a pretty damn good job with it.
I’m confident we’re both going to dig Star Wars again.
Han Shot First
Speaking of Star Wars… there were some issues with the original trilogy when George Lucas reissued new editions. Some old tapes are going to show Han shooting first. Some are going to show Greedo shooting first.
I was there to see it on film when it first arrived in theaters.
Han shot first. It may have been a dick move, but there is no question that he shot first. Remember, he was supposed to be a bit of a criminal before he became a good guy. That’s called character development and it’s a good thing.
Star Trek
We love Star Trek, but at the moment we’re unsure where the franchise is going to take us. You’ll find the original series to be even more antiquated than the original Star Wars trilogy, but there was some damn fine writing and futurism going on there.
Show some respect.
As for the various later series, we approve of Star Trek: The Next Generation. It’s not your dad’s personal favorite, but you should watch it all the way through at least once. Your dad’s favorite was Deep Space Nine. A lot of smart writing, complex characters, and good, old-fashioned intrigue going on there.
Batman v Superman
A movie more maligned than it deserved. I didn’t think it was that bad, and I have hopes that DC can launch a decent set of Justice League movies off this. Yes, the “Martha moment” was a bit of lazy writing and plot development, but overall I still think it was a pretty decent flic. Time will tell if this bears fruit. At the moment, we’re pretty stoked about having Wonder Woman on the big screen finally.
Batman Beats Everybody
Don’t listen to your mother. Batman beats everybody. Batman doesn’t have to be your favorite superhero, but you have to acknowledge that Bats beats everyone. This includes Superman, Iron Man, the Hulk, and Darkseid. Yes, he gets beat down on occasion, but he always wins in the end and he does so by using his smarts. Remember that. Batman is smarter than everyone. If he’s leading the team, everything is going to be fine.
The Great Eagles from Lord of the Rings
Why didn’t the fellowship just get the eagles to fly them to Mount Doom?
There are two equally good answers.
First, the eagles are a proud race and don’t exist just to serve as a flying taxi service. Yes, they brought Sam and Frodo back home…but they had just defeated Sauron. It would have seemed a bit ingracious had the eagles just left them there to die.
Second, Gandalf tried to get the fellowship to go to the eagles just before he fell into the pit with the balrog. When he shouted, “Fly, you fools!”, he meant for them to go to the eagles for help. No one got it because… well… balrogs, trolls, orcs… everyone was a bit distracted at the time, and then the whole fellowship thing went to hell.
I prefer the first answer, but the second has credibility as well. Tolkein was not above putting some devil into the details at times.
Pluto Is a Planet
We love Neil DeGrasse Tyson, but he’s wrong. Pluto is a planet.
If you ever come home from school with a paper graded poorly because you insist on Pluto being a planet… don’t worry. Dear ol’ dad is on your side. We’ll go get some ice cream.
How to ponounce GIF
Hard G, son. The “G” stands for “Graphics” as in “Graphical Interchange Format”. I, and the rest of the world, don’t care what the developers of the format say. It’s not pronounced with a soft G, it’s pronounced with a hard G.
The best edition
Dungeons & Dragons
You’ll hear me rant about how awesome 1st edition was and how it was the best and didn’t need to be changed. Feel free to ignore me. Ranting is just something old people do. I will say that while I will play edition 3.5, you don’t have to feel obligated to. It suffers from a lot of creeping featuritis and who the hell knows what’s official and what’s not. I can say that I can highly recommend fifth edition as of right now.
We don’t talk much about 4th edition. Good artwork, bad game design.
Hardware/Software/Console Wars
Meh. This used to mean something back in the day, but less so now. Nintendo vs Playstation vs X-Box? Why not just get all three and call it a day? I mean, if I had to pick a favorite, it would be Playstation, but I play other systems as well.
IBM PC or Apple Mac? Once upon a time I’d have given the Mac higher marks for its ease of use and its ability to handle graphics. Now Macs are less easy to use and PCs do just fine with high end graphics. It’s easier to do custom work on a PC, and they’re cheaper, so I guess I’d still lean toward the PC, but I do admire the elegance of the Apple look.
Windows or Macintosh? A plague on both their houses. The constant need to update things that weren’t broken drives me nuts. You know what was a nice, stable operating system? VMS. I miss working in VMS.
This, I suppose, is a less a pop culture nerd topic than a technological nerd topic. As such, it’s going to be absolutely irrelevant to you in years to come. I just wanted an excuse to remind people that VMS used to be a thing.
Shot first.
I think that’s enough nerding out for one “Dear Jackrabbit”. There will be more down the line. We’ll talk about this stuff in the future, I’m sure, over ice cream and french fries and a boardgame or two.
I’m looking forward to it. And don’t worry, we’ll get on to more serious topics soon. I just felt the need to share some nerd stuff today.
Han shot first.
Cheers!
–Dad
