I’ve mentioned in past writings about taking advantage of resources where one finds them. I’ve talked about using Google, talking with friends, other parents, and medical professionals. I left out one.
Facebook.
Yeah, I know, right? Facebook, the social networking site that is kind of the villain right now with their current position on running fake news stories and generally contributing to the overall ignorance infecting the country.
It still has its good points–the connecting for friends and family, the networking among creative professionals, and bringing together people ready to fight against a renewed culture of racism, misogyny, and all-round dickishness.
Back to the parenting topic, though. Facebook also hosts numerous special interest groups. Margaret belongs to one aimed specifically at women having babies in August (with the occasional ones who went late–like Jack). I belong to one specifically for new dads. In both cases, these are closed groups meaning that conversations there are private–members only.
I’m not going to name any specific groups. Private is private. Still, in not revealing the names of the actual groups, I think I can talk in general about what all goes on in the New Dad’s group.
In short–support, advice, and venting.
We all cheer each other on as each new dad is on the cusp with a child about to be born, even when it’s their second, third, or even fifth kid. We offer support when there are nervous new dads out there. Every new picture of every new child gets hundreds of likes from complete strangers–but complete strangers who are all sharing similar experiences.
It’s a pretty good thing.
As for the advice, plenty of it there. Dealing with cholic or gas, sleeping schedules, baby weight, feeding schedules, bottle or breast or both, and pretty much any other question that comes up when dealing with a brand new human. Most times the advice is good and consistent. We don’t really get a lot of controversy among these topics. Common sense often reigns and the new dad group is just another resource.
Then there is the venting.
It’s a good thing these groups are closed to everyone but members. Some new dads crack sooner than others. Or some just have very stressful lives and the addition of a new kid only adds to things. Sometimes a new dad can just be a jerk. Whatever the reason, every now and then some new dad needs to blow off steam and complain. Some nasty things are said–nothing ever violent or abusive–mostly just whining. But I suppose we all need to whine at some point or another.
The responses are a mix of supportive and reality-checking. What are the new dads whining about? The new moms, usually, so the whiny new dads need to be reminded of getting some perspective and that everyone is feeling the crush.
And then there is just the glimpse of seeing people being people–with all the beauty and all the ugliness that includes.
We try to avoid controversial subjects. I don’t often see vaccination-related topics, thank goodness. When the Pulse Nightclub shooting happened there was a lot of talk about guns. It was disappointing to see how many dads kept guns in the same house as children, and the overall discussion got quite heated at times. Then the moderators went and shut it down, finally. The focus remains on being a new dad, and that’s good.
I’ve enjoyed my time in the new dads group, and expect I’ll be there for a while yet to come as I continue to learn more and get a postive net out of the support there. If you’re becoming a new dad, I can highly recommend looking for one of these groups on Facebook.
These groups exist for new moms as well. And, new parents in general, regardless of gender.
Every little bit helps.
Cheers!
–John
