My dad is super smart!
Here are a bunch of “I’ll bet ya didn’t know” facts about babies that I have helpfully compiled. Every fact here is verifiable, but I lost my notes so you’ll just have to take my word for it that everything here is 100% factual.
Honest. Jeez.
- Baby oil is not made of babies, nor is baby powder. Good news for those wondering if baby food was on the up and up.
- Baby formula, however, can be used to make babies, but the method has been lost over time. It’s current use as a nutritional supplement is both secondary and accidental, but still useful.
- Yes, that baby is judging you. Fortunately for you, that baby finds nearly everything you do hilarious.
- Hundreds of thousands of years ago, packs of wild babies used to roam the American landscape in the billions. Climate scientists believed the resulting deforestation and rise in methane levels ended the most recent Ice Age by at least 50,000 years.
- Two popes, one in the mid 12th century and another in the early 18th century, were actually several babies stacked one on top of the other, hidden beneath long robes.
- Babies are no longer allowed to be part of the cast of Cats for reasons that should be obvious.
- Before whale oil was found to be useful as lantern fuel, people used to capture baby farts in little jars to light their homes at night. Small explosions were not uncommon.
- When whale oil replaced jarred baby farts as a fuel source, population levels began to drop suddenly leading to eventual worker shortages and, by necessity, accelerated the arrival of the Industrial Revolution.
- Aliens did not build the pyramids. Babies did.
- Deep Throat, the informant who blew the whistle on Nixon’s Watergate scandal, was actually a cranky infant named Alice.
And finally…
- Q. What do babies and cats have in common? A. Pretty much everything. They’re practically the same.
Remember, folks, knowing is half the battle.
Cheers!
