Clothes Make the Baby

So what is it with baby clothes? I have a few questions.

First, why do some baby socks have little rubber gripping pads on the bottom of them?

Who is he trying to impress? He’s less than half a year old. Might I add… this outfit has a total of seven available working pockets. And that tie?
Clip-on.

Where do they think these kids are going? At nearly five months, Jack cannot stand on his own. He’s only just gotten really invested in examining his feet to begin with. Someone suggested it’s because at a certain age it keeps their feet from slipping when they start to pull themselves up to a standing position, but some of these socks are very obviously for infants. Infants who are in no way close to being able to pull themselves up.

So, there’s that. And…

Why do they make bathrobes for babies? Do babies really need lounge wear? Do they think that the bathrobe will come handy as the child exits the shower and putzes around the kitchen before settling down with a pipe and a good book? And some of these bathrobes… shades of Hugh Hefner. Who are these babies trying to impress?

And then… and this one really croggles me…

What’s with all of the pockets? And by pockets, I don’t mean those fake pockets that adorn women’s clothing. I mean fully functioning pockets. Any any given day, Jack has more pocket availability than his mother on her best day. What are these kids carrying? The pockets are too small for a cell phone. Pens do not stay in place. Actually… anything small enough to fit in those fully functioning pockets are way too much of a chocking hazard.

Seems like it’s just asking for trouble… giving babies pockets like that.

Question… these are mostly boys’ clothes I’m talking about here. Do girls’ clothes have fake pockets like their older counterparts? It’s questions like this that keep me up at night.

Continuing with the whole pocket question… Jack has several pairs of baby “jeans”. These jeans have functioning front and back pockets. Tucked inside the right front pocket is that little mini pocket one sees in adult jeans.

What the…?

In this adorable image there are a total of 12 working pockets. Margaret, who took the picture, had none. None. #howisthatjustice

Okay… the “condom pocket” may be an incorrect assumption of its purpose. As I recall, it’s more often used for small change, and was originally designed to hold a pocket watch. I would not allow Jack to handle any of these. The boy tries to put too many things into his mouth as it is. Loose change would be way too tempting for the boy. And I’m not going to give him a pocket watch. For one thing, I’ve never seen a baby scaled pocket watch. Probably because it, too, would be considered a choking hazard. At the very least, all that drool can’t be good for the watch.

And condoms? Ew.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Yeah. Sorry for putting that image into your brain. Blame the designers of baby clothes.

On the positive side of things, I will say these two things about baby clothes…

First… yeah, they’re all pretty adorable.

Second… they’re a lot cheaper than I thought they’d be. Maybe it’s where we shop, but seems the average price for a top/bottom combo is around $6 to $8 bucks. Some of those are sales prices which are so common that it becomes almost meaningless, but for many outfits… those are the base prices and the sales price knocks them down to around $4.

Not bad. Now if the rest of the baby product industry could take note.

And that’s my baby clothes ramble. Rumor has it that we’re in for a significant amount of snow tomorrow. Stay tuned for an image of the boy in an all-encompassing snow suit that will still have more working pockets than anything his mother is wearing.

Because babies need pockets.

Cheers!

–John

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About jdteehan

John is a proud geek and nerd, a publisher, a freelancer, and a new dad. He's into books, gaming, and music. He's a good cook, a passing musician and artist, and terrible fisherman. The biggest thing in his life right now is being a new dad and he has started a blog all about that. Visit Dearjackrabbit.com for more on that. Also visit Merryblacksmith.com for word on publishing projects.
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