Things I’ve Learned About Babies Thus Far

The past six months have been quite educational. It is both a privilege and a duty to share some of these tidbits.

Enjoy.

I laugh at your attempts to contain my poop! Laugh!

 

  • The child will lunge toward certain, very specific toys at Babies ‘R Frightfully-Expensive and when you get them home their favorite toy is still an empty water bottle.
  • Perhaps the only leak-proof diaper would be an all-enveloping one shaped like a papoose. That face hole is optional. Non-poop-smeared cheeks is a privilege, not a right.
  • A container of squash and a round of breast milk is fine and all, but that plate of sausage looks awful enticing.
  • Baby toys that make electronic-based noises often come with two volume settings: Disturbingly Loud and Daddys-Never-Going-To-Sleep-Again Loud.
  • There is never an acceptable excuse for an empty bottle.
  • Babies do not respect Non-Disclosure Agreements. And they lie.
  • Baby clothes operate under different laws of nature than other sorts of clothes. What will fit well one day, will not the next, but will again after that.
  • For babies, it’s more fun closing books than opening–especially while mater or pater are trying to read from it. Bonus points if the baby can get the book in their mouth.
  • Formula burps are funnier than breast milk burps.
  • The look on the kid’s face when I sneeze is a priceless combination of surprise, fear, and awe. It’s a look I could get used to.
  • Nothing like a rainy day to take the edge off a kid.
  • A child will cheerfully contort itself into shapes that would make Cirque du Soleil drool with envy–all just to reach a toy just over the next cushion.
  • Babies totally lie.

Thus endeth the lesson… for now. The lessons just keep on coming.

Cheers!

–John

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About jdteehan

John is a proud geek and nerd, a publisher, a freelancer, and a new dad. He's into books, gaming, and music. He's a good cook, a passing musician and artist, and terrible fisherman. The biggest thing in his life right now is being a new dad and he has started a blog all about that. Visit Dearjackrabbit.com for more on that. Also visit Merryblacksmith.com for word on publishing projects.
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