Things I’ve Learned About Babies Thus Far

Posted on March 21, 2017 by jdteehan

The past six months have been quite educational. It is both a privilege and a duty to share some of these tidbits.

Enjoy.

I laugh at your attempts to contain my poop! Laugh!

 

  • The child will lunge toward certain, very specific toys at Babies ‘R Frightfully-Expensive and when you get them home their favorite toy is still an empty water bottle.
  • Perhaps the only leak-proof diaper would be an all-enveloping one shaped like a papoose. That face hole is optional. Non-poop-smeared cheeks is a privilege, not a right.
  • A container of squash and a round of breast milk is fine and all, but that plate of sausage looks awful enticing.
  • Baby toys that make electronic-based noises often come with two volume settings: Disturbingly Loud and Daddys-Never-Going-To-Sleep-Again Loud.
  • There is never an acceptable excuse for an empty bottle.
  • Babies do not respect Non-Disclosure Agreements. And they lie.
  • Baby clothes operate under different laws of nature than other sorts of clothes. What will fit well one day, will not the next, but will again after that.
  • For babies, it’s more fun closing books than opening–especially while mater or pater are trying to read from it. Bonus points if the baby can get the book in their mouth.
  • Formula burps are funnier than breast milk burps.
  • The look on the kid’s face when I sneeze is a priceless combination of surprise, fear, and awe. It’s a look I could get used to.
  • Nothing like a rainy day to take the edge off a kid.
  • A child will cheerfully contort itself into shapes that would make Cirque du Soleil drool with envy–all just to reach a toy just over the next cushion.
  • Babies totally lie.

Thus endeth the lesson… for now. The lessons just keep on coming.

Cheers!

–John

Posted in Fatherly Advice, Humor, Parenting | Tagged | Leave a comment

Dear Jackrabbit #25 — The Importance of Pursuing Your Passions

Posted on March 19, 2017 by jdteehan

Dear Jackrabbit,

There are going to be times in your life where someone is going to say something to discourage you from trying something. Sometimes these people think they’re being helpful–that they’re administering some kind of “tough love”sort of nonsense.

My advice to you is to ignore these people.

Several times in my life I did not follow this advice, and it’s one of the few things I really regret. For example:

In high school, I really wanted to be able to draw. A couple of teachers saw my sketchbook and informed me that I would never be an artist. It would be decades before I decided to give it another shot. Now, I may not be the most skilled artist in the world, but I can draw the human figure fairly well. And I’ve sold quite a few paintings over the years. The most important thing is that I enjoy doing it. I regret those years that I had stopped trying.

Some of my watercolors on the left, books I’ve published in the middle, jewelry your mother made on the right. We sold enough at this show to pay for Christmas. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

I was told by a couple of people that I should give up on playing a musical instrument and, for many years, I had. Then I started going to Irish music sessions as a listener, and really got that itch to play again. So… I grabbed a starter instrument, starting learning a few basic tunes, and in a couple of years I was a regular session player who could relably hold his own. Now, again, I’m not the best musician in the world. I can’t even read musical notation, but I managed. You’ll see around the house a guitar, a tenor banjo, a five-string banjo, a mandolin, an octave mandolin, and bodhran. Ask me and I’ll play you something.

I was told Japanese was too hard of a language to learn. Them, I cheerfully ignored as I made some decent progress teaching myself the basics, and then taking classes. It eventually got to the point where I became vice president of the local Japan Language Society. Those were odd meetings–my comprehension was always better than my ability to quickly form phrases, and I was usually the only non-native speaker in the room so everyone would be speaking Japanese while I spoke English (which everyone understood), so it was a little weird thinking in two languages at once. I’ve not had occasion to use my Japanese in a long time, so I’ve fallen way out of practice… but the important thing to take away is that I tried and was fairly successful.

Poetry, I was told, was dumb. Well, I’ve sold several poems over the years. Some of them have been nominated for awards, others were sought out for reprints. I’ve also sold short fiction and nonfiction over the years. People wonder why bother. I enjoy it. And nothing ventured, nothing gained.

What business did I have running my own small press? None. But I went ahead and did it anyway. It’s not the most successful business ever, but I have some authors who have dedicated followings and I have customers who purposefully seek me out at conventions–so that’s a win.

And jeez… what business do I have being a father at fifty? But here I am, and seem to be doing fairly OK. (You be the judge.)

So that’s what it comes down to, boy. Do what you love despite anyone else’s nay-saying. You may not be perfect, but that’s less important than the doing. And with time, practice, and will… you can become skilled at anything. And I’ll tell you what helps, too, is being around supportive people. Your mother, for instance, has always supported any venture I’ve tried. I love her for that.

We will both support you in whatever endevour makes you passionate.

All my love,

–Dad

Posted in Dear Jackrabbit, Fatherly Advice | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fevered Thoughts

Posted on March 16, 2017 by jdteehan

So… that happened.

That being, I got properly sick for the first time since Jack was born. It’s a little bit of a mystery as to how as I don’t really come into physical contact with a lot of people these days. Just the same, I came down with a nasty fever. I think I started feeling it Sunday night as I was working on a Dear Jackrabbit letter about the upcoming snowstorm. I got about halfway through it and was pretty much done.

Boy…it is hard to match your enthusiasm when I’m sick, but we’ll give it a shot.

Then, throughout the course of Monday, it settled in. I could function, sure, but I was weak and had little appetite. Still, the boy and I managed. While we did play a bit, we also tried napping together. Somehow or another, the boy gained a lot of weight all at once–or at least that’s how it felt–like he weighed twice as much as normal. It was a long day.

But it’s nice when Margaret comes to save the day. With the coming weather, the timing, and all that, there wasn’t really an option for Margaret to stay home, but when she did get home from work, she swiftly took the babe and let me go off and sleep for the rest of the evening. She and Jack went out and did our emergency blizzard shopping. Really, she was an absolute hero. I could settle down to a nice fever sleep while she did all the hard work. I only hope I can come through as well for her should the situation get reversed.

The fever more or less broke Tuesday morning and I spent the rest of the day recovering. By Wednesday I was almost human although my appetite hadn’t fully returned. And now as I write this Wednesday my appetite is back for the most part and life is getting back to normal. I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on, but it could be worse.

The experience has made me appreciate was single parents must go through. I had Margaret to fall back on and cover for me. Not everyone has that.

We’re getting back on schedule.

Thanks!

–John

Posted in Parenting | Leave a comment

The Importance of Plugging Leaks (not about bodily fluids)

Posted on March 10, 2017 by jdteehan

I posted the first official Dear Jackrabbit entry on October 2,2016. Since then, the site has been regularly updated three times a week with only, perhaps, two or three missed postings due to scheduling.

One of my all-time favorite pics from Jack’s first month with us.

I started DearJackrabbit.com for a number of reasons. One was to encourage in myself a habit of writing for an audience on a regular basis. Between this site and writing on some geek-related sites, I’ve been doing pretty well in that regard. Of those audiences, I wanted to write to Jack specifically. My family, it turns out in retrospect, wasn’t the most communicative, and one thing I wish I had was something like this from my own parents. So I can do that for Jack.

I also want to reach other new parents–particularly those who are just behind me–in some things to expect and, mostly, not to panic. And, of course, I want to share with friends and family this astounding experience we’re going through. Sure, there are other “dadblogs”, but I think I’ve managed to give this one a unique voice.

Jeez they get big fast. Five months here.

The boy turns six months old today. I’ve written a lot about the first half of the first year of his life. I’m looking forward to writing the second half of the first year, and then every year beyond that possible.

(It’s amazing how fast they grow, these kids these days.)

Anyway… the topic of plugging leaks today doesn’t involve bodily fluids, but more financial fluids, and an encouragement to help support DearJackrabbit.com.

Ever since maternity leave started to deplete our savings, we’ve been having to short bills each month. It has gotten to the point where a hundred here and a hundred there have added up to us being a few thousand bucks in the hole. Name a bill, and we’re behind, and with winter coming to an end, the patience of the utility companies is running short.

We are both working very hard, keeping odd hours sometimes, but the hit we took months ago has been harder to fill–especially when little surprises like vet bills, car repair, and so forth come up.

So, if possible, we’re hoping our readership can give us a hand so we can bail out the boat a bit and get us back to, at least, level ground. We’ll still be working hard, of course, but working hard to stay current as opposed to that creeping slide into severe debt.

If you’d like to help us catch up on these bills and support Dearjackrabbit.com, we’d very much appreciate it. The PayPal tip jar is the best option as it’s both quick and convenient. (Yes, it references Merry Blacksmith Press. I can only link PayPal to one account at a time, but keeping the bookkeeping separate is simple.)

There is also the option of becoming a monthly Patreon supporter. (Links for both are also on the right side of this page. )Over the next week–and moving onward–I’ll be adding special Patreon content to show our appreciation. If neither of those are possible–hey, everyone is struggling these days–you can help by simply spreading the word of Dearjackrabbit.com. The more readers means more opportunities.

If neither PayPal nor Patreon appeals to you but you’d still like to help, feel free to contact me at dad@dearjackrabbit.com.

We’ve got a considerable amount to catch up on, but every bit helps. And we appreciate your support.

Thanks!

–John

Posted in Dear Jackrabbit, Photos, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

My 25 lb Stress Reliever

Posted on March 7, 2017 by jdteehan

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how my opinions on babies had undergone a kind of change. I had originally thought that babies were boring and that I had been looking forward to a child I could have more meaningful interaction with, and then how that opinion transformed to one in which I enjoyed and became fascinated with observing Jack in his baby stage and how he develops and changes and grows each day.

To add to that, I’ve found another interesting change in how I interact with Jack.

I seem to be compelled to hold him a lot.

I mean, sure, I hold him a lot anyway. I’m pretty much attached to him for a major portion of every weekday while Margaret is at work. But what’s odd and (somewhat) unexpected is that I insist on holding the boy even when Margaret is home and it’s rightly her turn. And on weekends especially. Sunday, at that pageant I wrote about yesterday, I kept trying to grab the kid.

Pure happy.

Today, Margaret asked me to watch the kid whilst he was on the changing table while she went to go grab clean clothes for him to wear. Not content with just watching and tickling him as he lay on the table, I snatched him up and walked around the house with him.

What up with that?

Also today, while Margaret picked up a couple of groceries, I kept the kid and carried him across the plaza to a diner to pick up a cheeseburger for his grandmother. Logically, Jack should have stuck around with his mother. They’d have a cart and all that. But no. I snatch the kid up and say, “Let me know when you’re done,” and take the boy to a diner and let him roll around on the counter (atop a blanket) while we await his grandmother’s food.

Am I being selfish?

Maybe it’s a phase?

Maybe it’s not?

Weird, though. Didn’t really see that coming. Sure, I love Jack to distaction, but compulsively taking possession is kind of new.

Of course, I’ve been under a decent amount of stress lately. Hustling for work, bills, existential threats from an insane president, that kind of thing. Gets to one after a while.

So maybe this is my new way of dealing with stress.

I can think of worse methods.

So… carry on, I suppose. I just need to remind myself not to be so greedy and make sure his mother gets her time, too.

Cheers!

–John

Posted in Parenting, Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Dear Jackrabbit # 24 — So That Happened… (or, Life’s Rich Pageant)

Posted on March 6, 2017 by jdteehan

Dear Jackrabbit,

So… just so you know… yes, you have been a pageant baby. Your parents, who love you very much, nonetheless dressed you up today and paraded you in front of a bunch of strangers. Well, not all strangers, your grandmother was there as well as aunties Karen and Shannon and big sister-like Caroline as part of your cheering session.

If we ever do this again, we’re going with this hat.

Sorry to say, boy, you didn’t win, or even place or show. That’s not on you, of course. People still cross the street to tell us how adorable you are. Today, though, we were up against pageant babies who had parents who knew what they were doing. Heck, you should have seen the winner. She was wearing one of those outfits that seem to only exist for baby pageants. We dressed you up well, but probably didn’t do all the right things when it came to presentation.

That, and I suspect the judges were morning drinkers*… if you get my meaning.

Actually, it was a pretty professional event for the most part. It wasn’t at all like you see on so-called “reality” shows. No prima donnas or stage moms having meltdowns. No sabotaging other contestants or accusations of diaper stuffing. If anyone was using Vaseline for cosmetic purposes, I couldn’t tell.

Really, aside from the sounds of several dozen empty liquor bottles being kicked underneath the judges’ tables*, it all seemed pretty on the up and up.

So… why did we do this?

The experience, mostly. We like to try new things when we can. You got scouted in a store by one of the pageant organizers and they made a good enough pitch that we rounded up some sponsors and signed you up to go against 50 or so other infants and toddlers. Oh, there was the suggestion of a modeling opportunity to appear on the side of a box of diapers. The money wasn’t much, but the prospect of free diapers was temptation enough.

So part lark, part roll of the dice on scoring free diapers.

If… and it’s a big if… we decide to try this again, we’ll try to prepare a bit better. More than likely, though, this was your shot at stardom and we blew it for you. But, as they say, there is a silver lining.

Your dad (i.e., me) has worked on a lot of books by or about child stars from the “golden age” era of radio, film, and television. Very few of them had happy childhoods. Most, in fact, had a lot of trouble making it to adulthood. Some of their stories were pretty horrific and, really, you dodged a bullet. What if a model scouted you for a diaper commercial and you ended up becoming one of those anorexic jet-set babies you see stories about on Entertainment Tonight? One of the judges worked for an agency that cast young children (babies, even) for television shows. You might have ended up on the same sound stage as Charlie Sheen. I don’t think any of us would want that.

Plus, you’d hate Los Angeles. And we can’t afford Scientology. Continue reading →

Posted in Dear Jackrabbit, Humor, Parenting, Photos, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Mobile Hazards

Posted on March 2, 2017 by jdteehan

So there I am sitting on the couch with the boy. He’s closely examining a toy that features things that rattle and crinkle and possibly fit in his mouth. His attention is focused like a laser. The TV is on in the background, but neither of us are watching it. I don’t even remember what was on.

Me, noting that Jack was securely self-occupied, decided to pull out my phone to check Facebook to see if I got a reply to a message I had sent. No reply yet, but I did notice a conversation elsewhere on Facebook in which someone was being wrong and desperately needed to be corrected. Knowing my duty as an American, I dive into the conversation (some people might call me a hero) and start typing out all the reasons why that person was wrong and I was right and how if everyone just listened to me the world would be a better place and…

Say…where’s Jack?

BabyFlash by olivernome.

It seems that while I was doing my duty in making the world a better place, Jack’s attention was diverted to a different toy–one that made noise and flashed lights–and had managed to worm his way across my lap, over a pillow, and was in the process of stretching and reaching for said toy, right along the edge of the couch.

Whoops!

Okay… nobody panic. It’s not a big drop. Yes, I grabbed him by the back of his pajamas and pulled him from the couchy precipice before he could fall all of 20 inches to the carpet.

It wasn’t even a close call, but still.

Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Parenting, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Introducing… the Man With Five Nipples

Posted on February 28, 2017 by jdteehan

Five.

Count ’em.

One, two, three, four, five.

How’s that, you say?

Well, it’s not like they’re all functioning–at least not in the manner one might suppose. I’ve the two nature blessed me with. The kind that once hardened to diamond-hard nubs while hitchhiking one early, cool morning off a highway in Pennsylvania. (It was really windy. What? Too much information?)

All this talk of nipples is going to get this post banned from Facebook.

Then there are the two rubber ones with little ring attachments in my upper right pocket.

Then there is the similar one in my right front pants pocket.

This is being a newish dad. Carrying pacifiers around everywhere you go.

Okay, some think that pacifiers can be overused and lead to issues later. I hear that and I understand the concern. Seems that pacifiers, however, do not inhibit proper development of a baby’s mouth, doesn’t cause buck teeth, and is a habit that can be broken later on. How many adults do you see with pacifiers on your morning commute? Only those that had been to a rave the night before.

So I’m not worried. The pacifier is a wonderful thing. It calms and soothes a child, and as Jack is beginning the teething period, we’re all about the soothing. Bleating in the middle of the night? Pacifier. Getting antsy while watching us have dinner? Pacifier. Nap time and resisting sleep? Pacifier. Donald Trump on TV? Paci–well… no system is perfect.

Back to the nipples.

Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Parenting, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Dear Jackrabbit #23 — Nancy Teehan

Posted on February 26, 2017 by jdteehan

Dear Jackrabbit,

I recently had to go down into the basement to search for something, and while doing so, I came across a box with a bunch of old photos. Many of those photos were that of your grandmother as a young woman.

Your grandmother (well, other grandmother, that is) was Nancy Marie Teehan, daughter of Alfred and Velma Holt of South Boston, and brother to Alfred Holt, Jr. I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t know much about my mother’s early years. Actually, I’m pretty weak on our whole family history. It just wasn’t something that came up much when I was growing up, and by the time I was old enough to be more interested, it was a bit too late. Still, I’m lucky that there are boxes of old pictures and papers stashed away in the basement, and I’m determined to go through them this year and, with the help of some relatives, uncover a bit of my family history for you.

Here are some things I can tell you for sure, though. Judging from report cards, awards, and a letter from the National Honor Society, your grandmother was an excellent student. She also graduated either at the top, or near the top, of nursing school. Remember this, boy. Teehan men marry smart. Whoever you end up with, they are likely going to be much smarter than you. I recommend going with it.

She was born March 16, 1943. World War II was in full swing. She passed away in 1995 from complications due to diabetes. She was diagnosed with Type I early onset diabetes when she was a child. Back then, there weren’t many treatment options and even with daily injections of insulin and careful diet, the prognosis was that she wouldn’t make it much past 30. She actually made it to 51. She was very careful with her diet and health, and she had a lot of support from her friends, and especially my dad.

She was a registered nurse. At one point she worked at Mass General in Boston where she met your grandfather who was an orderly at the time while studying for a career in radio (yes, that was a thing once). In Westerly, where I grew up mostly, your grandmother worked mostly in nursing homes taking care of the elderly. She was rather well-known and respected around town.

She was also a terrific mom. She managed to raise three boys–no easy task. She may have had superpowers. (For one thing, she always knew when we were getting into trouble. Also, for a relatively tiny woman, she could face down people three times her size and send them scurrying off.

She would have loved meeting you, boy. And you would have loved meeting her. I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to meet my parents, but at the very least I can spend some time learning more about the and the family history on both sides. I’ll also start sharing more old photos. The crop of photos below is just a start.

Your mother has a better handle on the family history and relations on her side, so she’ll be able to tell you more about that on her own. Just the same, I’m going to see if I can’t get her to digitize some pictures from her side as well so I can share them here.

But for now… check out your grandmother, Nancy M (Holt) Teehan… the early years:

Your grandmother in 1943 being held by your great grandfather Alfred Holt.

Your grandmother is on the left next to that strange boy. The look on her face is identical to a look you often have when examining something. Uncanny, really.

Continue reading →

Posted in Dear Jackrabbit, Family history, Photos, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Name Calling

Posted on February 21, 2017 by jdteehan

We call the boy a number things. Officially his name is John “Jack” Eric Reilly Teehan.

I’ve explained the boy’s name before. John being my name, but called “Jack” partly to keep him separate from me, and partly because I had always wanted to be called that, but it never took. Eric comes from Margaret’s uncle, and Reilly comes from one of my oldest friends who passed away a few years ago.

It’s weird seeing mail come for Jack. Well, us, I suppose, really. Insurance stuff comes here under John E. Teehan. One letter off from John D. Teehan. (second middle names get ignored too often, alas)

Macaroons for all!

Around the house we call him, the boy, the child, buddy, bunny, and jackrabbit. Probably a few others as well. Oh, sure… we call him Jack from time to time as well, but probably not as much as we should.

Mostly, I think, we call him “the boy”. I think some people find this a little odd.

Not really. At least not to us. I think it has a nice old school feel to it. Plus, we often refer to each other as “husband” or “wife”.

“Husband, hand me the boy,” she’ll say.

“Wife, the boy is busy playing with these scissors,” I’ll respond.

Because I am a responsible parent, however, I’ll pass the boy over and usually remember to take back the scissors first.

It’s fun. Maybe silly at times, be we are who we are. The boy doesn’t seem to mind. And it’s not like we never call him Jack. We do, and he will respond. But I can say, “Jack’s diaper needs a’changin'” and the meaning is clear, but boring. Ordinary. Or I can deepen my voice and adopted a vaguely European-ish accent and intone, “Bring me the boy, for it is… time… to correct the condition of his soil-cloth.”

See? Isn’t that more fun?

Poor Max, though.

It gets confusing sometimes with the dog, Max, who we often refer to as… the dog. But also buddy which is what I call Jack sometimes. And yes, I’ve slipped up and have asked Jack “who’s a good boy?” in the same tone I might with Max. The dog looks confused. Or maybe I will call the dog over, “C’mere boy!” and Jack will turn his head.

As for the cat… well, as she was a stray that I had initially resisted taking in (I unresisted eventially), she is often called “not our cat” or Loki. E.g., “Not our cat has brought a bird into the house. It will be henceforth known as ‘the bird.'”

In any case, yes, the boy is Jack. The dog is Max. The wife is Margaret. The husband is my own humble self. A future conversation may go…

Margaret: Husband, the boy counted to a million today.

John: Excellent news, wife! The boy may have a macaroon.

Margaret: Husband, the dog as also counted to a million today.

John: Astounding news, wife. The dog, too, may have a macaroon.

Margaret: I, too, counted to a million today. Husband, does your wife get a macaroon?

John: Macaroons for all!

So Margaret, Max, and Jack all had macaroons. John looked on approvingly, but because he only counted to 865,404, he had to settle for a corner of an old piece of marzipan from last Christmas.

Okay… time to get back to work. The family wishes you all well.

Cheers!

–John

Posted in Humor, Parenting, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment