Pleased to announce that Jack and I had a rather successful first day without adult supervision. As I mentioned in a recent “Dear Jackrabbit”, Margaret has gone back to work and now we’ve entered the era of work-at-home dad for realsies.
So far, so good. As we enter this week of transition, I’m fortunate that I don’t have too much that is deadline-intensive, so I was able to spend a lot of time with the boy yesterday to gauge proper ratios of playtime and naptime in conjunction with feedings so that I can have an inkling as to what m new work schedule is going to be like.
Proof of life.
Should be okay.
While spending the day with the boy, I’ve learned a bit. For instance:
- You know how when you go to a liquor store and refer to those little nip bottles as “kid sized” and people look at you disapprovingly? Well, when you walk in with a baby on your hip and ask for a couple of “kid sized” bottles of Jack Daniels, people lose their freaking minds! Jeez.*
- I used to have 15 billiard balls. Now I have 14 and a baby who weighs five and a half ounces more than he did yesterday. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. I don’t own a billiards table.
- Even when it’s possible to saddle a dog, letting the baby ride him is not the best idea.
- Breast milk is flammable. At least, I think it was breast milk.
- When assembling a bookcase and the instructions say it’s a two-person job–I don’t think they’re counting babies as persons. Be nice if they were clearer on that.
- It’s confusing when you let the baby help with dinner and let him dice the onions. Is he crying because of the onions? Or because bad things happen to good people?
- When reaching the endzone and it’s time to spike the ball, it is supremely important to remember which arm has the ball tucked into it and which arm has the baby.
- Duct tape.
- Babies always start chess games with building a castle defense. They’re very predictable and this can be used to one’s advantage.
- Baby farts are just as flammable, but much cuter and funnier.**
* These are jokes, folks. None of this actually happened. Heck, I’ve not even had a drink in over 15 years. The only reason why I know nip bottles even still exist is because I find them in the gutter sometimes while walking the dog. Please don’t call the police, or worse… my wife’s agency.
**Seriously… I’m just joking.
Thursday’s post will be on Friday again this month for #FollowFriday and Signal Boosting.
Cheers!
–John
