Dear Jackrabbit,
Today I’m going to talk, in a rambling sort of way, about character. And we’re going to introduce the topic by citing Wheaton’s Law–a very simple and quick rule.
Don’t be a dick.
A little bit of background. Who is this Wheaton fellow? By the time you’re old enough to really comprehend these letters, you’ll probably know Wil Wheaton as another old man, like your dad, who prattles on about games and other nerdy things. He is an actor who, when he was young, got hemmed in and typecast by some roles he played.* Later on, he sort of reinvented himself and became a kind of King of the Nerds. As for Wheaton’s Law, that came out of a keynote speech he gave once about ten years ago in which is pretty much told people to be more sportsmanlike in gaming, and, well… not to be a dick.
But Wheaton’s Law has grown in meaning over the past decade and can be applied to life in general.
Don’t be a dick.
We’re going through some interesting times of late. There are a lot of people (a minority, but a fretfully loud minority) who think being a dick is a positive quality. That it makes them seem assertive or in possession of leadership qualities.
It doesn’t. In fact, more the opposite in true as being a dick reveals a serious character flaw. It reveals insecurity and fear. Ever notice how when someone pulls a dick move in traffic or when standing in a line for something that, when they get called out on it, they refuse to take responsibility and deflect back to you? They know in their hearts that they’ve done wrong, but cannot give a single inch toward admitting it publicly because they’re afraid to seem weak. In that, they reveal their weakness.
Funny how that works.
Civility is not weakness. It is our greatest strength and part of what defines us as a species.
You’ll read about Donald Trump in history class, and maybe even see some asterisks referring to Gamergate and Sad/Rabid Puppies. It was a phenomenon in which certain people had trouble accepting that society and culture is inching toward more inclusiveness and recognition of our diversity. Change can be a little scary–especially if you’ve never been seriously challenged before. Just the same, you’ll wonder what on Earth was going on at this time–kind of like how we, today, can’t understand how this country once kept slaves and how a large part of the country went to war over the right to own other human beings.
It sounds discouraging when you see things like this, but the good news is that progress is pretty much unstoppable. We advance in our civility and our belief in making this a better world. Sometimes it is an excruciatingly slow advance, but those who would keep us back have never won. Not once. We do not live under the divine right of kings. We are not ruled by priests or witchdoctors. Women, I hear, are allowed to both own property and have their own bank accounts. (This was not always the case.)
So take heart, my son, in the “Don’t be a dick” law. It will serve you and humanity better than you might realize right now. It will take time, and many people may get hurt in the process, but things always get better so long as there are fewer dicks than there are the rest of us. The trick is not to grow complacent. The trick is to be aware.
Treat people with dignity. Unless they’re hurting someone, always afford people the same respect you would ask of yourself. We’re all in this together. While not every idea or opinion is equal, you don’t have to be a dick about it. Try to see things from their perspective and show some empathy, but also don’t let dicks get away with their bullshit either.
Remember, you were born a human being. Everything else–nationality, ethnicity, religion, gender identity, Pokemon Go team–all of those are mere circumstance. Sometimes they’re positive circumstances, sometimes they’re not. Don’t let your advantages keep someone else from getting the same dignity and respect you expect for yourself.
It seems simple, but it can be difficult at times. You have to learn to be aware of others, and of others’ experiences.
Don’t be a dick.
There is another rule worth mentioning. It’s called the Golden Rule–partly because it’s one of those rules that shows up in nearly every religion and faith. It is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Words to live by. Seriously.
And consider this… this means also accepting being called out on dickish behavior. If someone points out to you that something you’ve done or said isn’t really cool… don’t get all defensive or lash out at them. Consider their viewpoint and see if they aren’t correct. Lord knows I’ve been called out a few times for lazy thinking, even casual racism or sexism, because I wasn’t thinking beyond myself. I like to think I’ve learned from the experience and I try not to make the same mistake twice. I think I’ve become a better person for recognizing truth when it is told to me.
You are never too young to learn, and never too old to learn.
So going back to Wheaton’s Law. It was originally a statement about sportsmanship in gaming, but it has also turned into a statement about making sure everyone has the same opportunities you might take for granted. Everyone gets to play. Everyone gets an opportunity for a good education, for healthcare, for dignity, and to be a comic book superhero. Everyone deserves justice.
It’s about character, self-respect, and respecting others.
It’s really not that hard.
Don’t be a dick.
Cheers!
–Dad
* One of those roles Wil Wheaton got hemmed in by was his role as Wesley Crusher in Star Trek: The Next Generation–one of those old timey serials your dad sometimes watches. Wesley played a young person on a starship and, for some reason, a number of fans (a minority, but annoyingly loud) didn’t care for it. It was a good character that could probably have been better written at times, but for the most part he was a positive role model and a character who inspired many young viewers. I think every science fiction show similar to Star Trek should have a young person of some kind or another in it for that very reason.
