Dear Jackrabbit,
You’re at that age now (nearly four months!) in which you’re putting everything into your mouth.
Like, everything.
The Mouth of Madness.
It’s kind of weird, son. I won’t lie to ya.
Your mother says it’s completely normal and it’s one of the ways in which you’re exploring the world around you.
I guess… but you’ve met my hand. Both of my hands, actually. So why do you grab them and pull them toward your gaping, toothless wet maw whenever you can? You don’t know where my hands have been. Heck, I’m not always sure myself. I’ve come to terms with your hands always being wet as you attempt to jam both fists into your mouth. Do my hands have to be always wet now as well? This also goes for my sleeves, my beard, my hair, my nose, and the television remotes.
This is why the cat avoids you and the dog eyes you with suspicion. I don’t know the cat’s past experience with children, but we know that Max once lived in a house with some kids, so he’s seen this before. He’s probably right to be suspicious.
I have a small suspicion of my own–that there is some early teething going on. Early… quite early… but not unheard of. That said, we’ve added a few teething rings into your ever growing selection of toys and treasures.
You’ve got plenty of pre-approved items for shoving into your mouth. Here is a list of items that are NOT approved. Take note, boy:
- The dog
- The cat
- Bowling balls
- Cauliflower
- Anyone’s shoe
- Almanacs
- Moon rocks
- Money
- Anything hanging at the Museum of Modern Art
- Ennui
- Brittany Spears
- Dolphins
- My record albums
- My record albums (I think I should mention this twice, just in case.)
There are lots of ways to explore the world, boy. Gumming them isn’t the only way.
I’m just trying to help.
All my love,
–Dad
